Bernard Ong’s update from Bansang Fentanilia

Satire is the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

Satire is a survival tool in an environment when one’s sense of right and wrong is being assaulted from all directions.

Don’t cry. Read Bernard Ong’s Facebook post, “Ganito kami sa bansang Fentanilia” and laugh:

President Duterte receives the ‘Manila Times Man of the
Year’ award from Manila Times executives led by Chairman Emeritus Dante Ang
during a business forum at the Marco Polo Hotel in Davao City on February 10,
2017. Looking on is Chinese Ambassador Zhao Jianhua.Malacanang photo by Joey
Francis Dalumpines.

This is not fake news. This is an entire alternate universe.

Napoles is innocent. Gloria is free.

The super-thief Marcos is a super-hero.

Peter Lim is free. Jack Lam is free.

Inmates are star witnesses who get VIP perks.

Duterte took Marcos plunder money for “Change”

Frat brods took P50M bribe for “safekeeping”

Trust me there is no corruption.

P8-trillion infrastructure fund is safe from trapos.

Tens of billions for War on Drugs.

Billions in “intelligence” funds. To help the dumb ones

Couple of billions for displaced mine workers.

No billions for Surigao quake. Donate to DSWD.

We have the Best & the Brightest.

Foreign Secretary who was American – truly foreign.

Comms Secretary who is Trolls Secretary.

Lots of showbiz, loyalists, classmates, province-mates.

Secretary of Justice is eminently qualified.

He believes drug personalities are not human.

He’s a real man wearing a fake wig.

Not a fake man wearing a real wig.

Photo-ops for biggest criminals & smugglers.

Push-ups & relocation for suspected police criminals.

Bullets & masking tape for suspected petty criminals.

The rich pay with cash. The poor pay with lives.

Philippines is very safe. Just like Singapore.

NPA are fighting for their beliefs so let’s talk.

Oh wait, they are a terrorist group. Jail them.

Abu Sayyaf are fighting for their beliefs.

Oh wait, they are a terrorist group. I’ll eat them.

There is no Davao Death Squad.

People are just falling dead at night in gutters.

But charge that guy Matobato.

For crimes he admitted as DDS hitman.

We love the Philippines. See him holding the flag?

So we share it piece-by-piece with China.

Potluck party. They bring pancit, trains & loans.

We bring bagoong, islands & seas.

My gaaaaad, I haaaate draaaags.

We love China, which supplies 99% of our shabu.

We hate America, which supplies 100% of our Fentanyl.

He should shift to shabu. Cheaper na, made-in-China pa

(Reprinted here with the permission of Bernard Ong)